Twelve Steps
by CloverKitten06
Summary: AU:Rodric Gold is addicted to power in the form of heroin. Belle learns she is pregnant, and can't allow his habits to affect their child so she divorces him. Flash Forward five years:Belle is going by her maiden name, and is the mother of four year old, Natalie Rose. A two years sober Rodric comes back into down. Can he earn his family back? Or will his demons catch up? RB, CS, OQ
1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note: Hey, y'all! I'm getting back into writing full blown fics again! Some of you may remember my fic "Running From Devils". I'm hoping to add on to my other stories as soon as I can while publishing new works. Don't forget to R/R**

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Belle Gold rushed into her home smiling brightly. "Rodric! Rodric are you home?"

There was no answer from her husband. She searched all over the house and couldn't find him. The smile never left her face, though. He worked late all the time. She couldn't believe the news she got, and she had to tell him in person.

Belle continued wandering her house in a happy daze. Things had been going so wonderfully. It was like they were newly married again. She turned to the bookcase that held their wedding album. She plucked the book from the shelf and started to flip through it. Right as she was about to get to her favorite picture of her and her husband, a small clear baggy filled with white powder fell to the ground.

She looked at it, and her jaw went slack. Slowly she bent down and picked it up, turning it all around and studying it. Belle closed her fist over it and clenched her jaw tightly, trying to hold back tears as she began to shake.

He promised. He told her he was through with the heroin, that he would be better for her. That he would be the man she deserved.

Belle looked down and her hand rested on her belly. This was it. No more. She refused.

Rodric watched his wife while they had dinner. Over the past three weeks she had been unusually distant. At first he attributed it to the stomach bug she picked up, but then he saw a manila folder resting on the coffee table. He cleared his throat and put his napkin down on the table.

"Belle, is there something wrong?"

Belle looked up at him before looking back down at her food and shrugging. "I don't know what you mean, Rodric," she said.

He drummed his fingers on the table and sighed through his nose. "I think you do. Come on, Belle. Please tell me."

Her fingers twitched a moment before she slowly got up and went to the manila folder. She picked it up and walked back to him, setting it down beside his plate and returning to her spot.

A feeling of dread built in Gold's chest as he slid the papers free. Divorce Decree was typed out in big bold letters at the top of the first page. He continued flipping through the pages, but nothing was really registering in his mind at the moment. Divorce… She was leaving him…

"I had a lawyer draw these up. All the property you own in Boston is yours to keep. But I want the house, library, and pawnshop here in Storybrooke," Belle said. It hurt to watch him go through the papers, but she had no other choice. There was no way she could let him stay while he was clearly not going to change his ways.

"What are you saying, Belle?"

"I found your stash, Rodric. The heroin you kept in our wedding album."

Rodric's face went pale. "Belle I can—"

"Leave, Rodric. Just go."

He couldn't believe this was happening. Rodric's brain couldn't even begin to comprehend what she was saying. "I need you."

Belle let out a breath and shook her head. "You need your drugs more. And I'm tired of coming in second... So please... Sign the papers, and go."

"Something must have happened other than the drugs. We can work this out. I can change, I swear it, Belle. Please don't—"

Belle slammed her hand on the table causing Rodric to flinch and go quiet. "You've made me empty promises before, Rodric. You haven't changed. And you never will. It's always the power you think that stuff gives you. It's the feeling of being high that you really love. Not me. I used to be able to see the man underneath the addict, but now there's only the addict. So just leave. Leave Storybrooke."

Rodric was struggling to breathe and tears were flowing down his face. "I…I can't do this without you, Belle. Please…I'll go to rehab. I'll do whatever you want me to. Just don't make me leave."

She shook her head. "This can't be about me. You have to change for you. I've already made up my mind. Sign the papers."

He took another deep breath and clenched his jaw. "You can't kick me out. It's my house."

"It's in our name. Just like the library. Just like the pawnshop. Just like the properties in Boston," Belle said, laughing a little ruefully. "You said I had the right to everything you have in this world. Well I only want the Storybrooke properties. I can take care of myself from there."

Rodric's eyes went wide and he went back over the papers. Why did he keep underestimating her? She never stopped amazing him. Not since the day she rolled into town needing a job and a place to stay. He sat back in his seat and closed his eyes. "I can't change your mind."

"No. It has to be this way… If… If you could really change it would be different, but…" Belle sighed quietly. "This has to be the way it is, Rodric." She went silent for a moment before tears came down her face as well. "I don't want to do this. Please understand that, but I can't let you keep bringing drugs into my home and leaving me alone while you go on a bender. I need you here, but you can't be in two places at once."

Rodric looked at Belle. Her face was red with pain and grief, her shoulders were shaking, and her small, delicate hands were balled into fists. And it was all his fault. He did that to her. The weight of how he hurt her so badly hit him for the first time in three years. He slowly got up and went to the junk drawer. Rodric came back with a pen and sat down before he started to sign in all the indicated places, reading over the papers as he did. "No alimony?"

"I don't need it," Belle said. "I got everything I wanted. All the other assets are yours."

Rodric nodded slowly and signed the last page. "I'll, uh. I'll take these to the courts. Thirty days and it'll be official."

Belle nodded and watched him get up again to pack his stuff. She got up and cleaned dishes to give herself something to do so she could ignore the pain tearing her chest apart. It had to be done. That's what she kept telling herself. It had to be done.

Rodric came back down with two suitcases in his hands and a bag slung over his shoulder. He kept his focus on the door, but he couldn't leave just yet. "I'm sorry, Belle. I really am. I just—I thought I could be better for you."

She looked at him and went over to him. She touched his face and kissed his lips softly. "I love you, Rodric," Belle whispered. "I'm sorry too, but this has to be done."

"I love you too, Belle," Rodric whispered back. He closed his eyes, took another deep breath, and turned to walk out of his door. He put his stuff in the trunk of the car, which Belle also let him keep, and got in.

Belle shut the door, put her back to it and slid down. She didn't start crying again until she heard his car pull away. Her arms stayed wrapped around her belly and she looked down. "I'm sorry, baby. I'm so sorry."

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**More to come! Hope y'all enjoyed it!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Yes, it's true. I'm back! Hope y'all enjoy!**

**Much love,**

**Kat**

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A Cadillac that no one had seen in five years rolled down the main street of Storybrooke. Gold wiped his hand on his pants leg for the twelfth time in five minutes. What was she doing? Had she moved on? Was she okay? He cleared his throat and took a deep breath then exhaled slowly as he parked in front of the library. His hands wouldn't come off the steering wheel.

"Come on, you old fool," Gold growled, "you were married to her for Christ's sake." He tried again.

It took him another five minutes to get out of the car and walk to the door. Two minutes to open it and step inside.

The bell tiggled its announcement.

"If that's you, Henry, I'm going to tell both of your mothers that you left school early again."

Gold's throat closed and his stomach twisted. _Say something! Say something!_

Soft footsteps came from the back of the library. "Jefferson?"

Gold swallowed hard and cleared his throat. "No, Belle," he said in a thick brogue. "It's—me."

The footsteps stopped and there was a gasp followed by a loud thud and quiet curses. Gold moved towards the sounds and stopped when he saw her soft brown hair falling over her shoulders as she hunched over and picked up the books she had been cataloguing.

Belle looked up and her eyes widened. There were more lines on his face and silver in his hair. Those eyes were the same though; an unfathomable deep brown. She gathered the books in her arms and slowly stood to face him. "Rodric," she whispered. Belle shifted the books so they were clutched to her chest like a shield. "What are you doing here?"

Gold looked down and stuck his hands in the pockets of his trousers. "I wanted to see you."

"You should have called."

"You wouldn't have let me come if I had."

Belle looked towards the check out desk and chewed on the inside of her lip. "It's been five years," she said.

"I'm two years clean and sober," Gold said, looking back at her. "I have a pin in my luggage."

"That's great, Rodric," Belle said. She walked to the desk and sat the books down before turning to face him again. She wrapped her arms around herself and studied him. He was standing taller. There was no cane, but there was a deep weight behind his eyes. Belle assumed it was the years of guilt and shame. "You finally got your surgery."

Gold shifted his weight as he looked back at her and nodded. "The pain killers were responsible – I was responsible for another relapse around that time. My own arrogance really."

Belle smiled a little. "You always did have enough of that to go around," she said and leaned her hip against the desk.

"Well I was expecting to be welcomed with open arms so that proves my prideful nature if nothing else," Rodric said. He took his hands out of his pockets and wiped them on his pants legs. "I – I don't see a ring. Is there someone special?"

"There is," Belle acknowledged.

"That Jefferson fellow you assumed was here?"

Belle smirked a little. "No one decides my fate but me. You know that better than anyone."

Gold clenched and relaxed his jaw before looking around at the library. Stacks and stacks of books meticulously organized and cared for by the woman who used to share his bed. Gold didn't know what he was willing to do in order to feel her soft touch on his skin again. Yes he did. He knew exactly what he was willing to do. He looked back to Belle. "Does he make you laugh?"

Belle's eyes softened and she looked down at her shoes for a moment. "Yes," she said. "And he doesn't make me cry either." She looked back up at Rodric. "I wish you would have called."

"You make it sound like there's some big secret you wanted to prepare me for," Rodric said with a small smirk.

Belle didn't smile back. "Rodric –"

The door burst open and a little girl with dark brown hair and ocean blue eyes bounded through. "Mommy!" She threw herself into Belle's arms and hugged her neck tight before pulling away. "Jeffy wants to take us to the park. Can we go?"

A lanky man with wild hair poking out of a top hat and a fifteen year old girl trailed in after her. "Sorry, Belle, she got away from—" He looked in between the other man and Belle. She looked uncomfortable. He looked – calm, but the white knuckles and clenched jaw betrayed him. "Is this a bad time?"

Belle rubbed her daughter's back and kept her eyes on Rodric. "It's fine," she said quietly. "Jefferson, this is Rodric Gold. Rodric, this is Jefferson Hatter."

Jefferson took some steps forward so he could reach out his hand to shake Gold's. "Heard a lot about you," he said.

Gold glanced over to Jefferson and then looked back at the little girl in his ex wife's arms; Belle's child, no doubt about that, but he saw bits of his own son at that age in her. The crooked grin and nose were his. "Wish I could say the same."

The girl turned to Rodric and smiled brightly. "Your voice sounds funny. Roland's daddy has a funny voice too."

Belle sighed. "Natalie—"

The corner of Gold's mouth curled up. "You have a funny voice too." His eyes stayed hard and unreadable. "Tell me, dearie, how old are you?"

"This many." Natalie held up four clumsy fingers.

Rodric nodded and glanced to Belle for a moment before looking back at Natalie. "When will you be this many?" He held up five fingers. His hand was steady, but his fingers trembled ever so slightly.

Natalie looked at Belle. "Uh."

"That's enough, Rodric," Belle said quietly and looked back at Natalie. "How about you go play with Grace so Mommy can talk to her friend, okay?"

Natalie grinned over at Grace. "Gracie doesn't want to play with me. Gracie wants to go kiss Henry," she giggled.

Grace's face went red and she hunched her shoulders. "I do not!" Geez that kid had a big mouth. "Come on. We'll go on to the park and they can meet us there." She slid past Belle's ex (she knew exactly who he was) and took Natalie from Belle's arms. "Big mouth," she mumbled.

Natalie's giggles carried through the library until the door shut behind them.

Jefferson watched the girls go and then looked between Gold and Belle. He shifted his weight from foot to foot, taking his hands in and out of his pockets. He opened his mouth to speak a few times, but each time he closed it before he did.

"When did you know you were pregnant?" Gold asked.

Belle jerked her chin up slightly and balled a hand into a fist. She tapped her fist against her leg. "Three weeks before I gave you the papers," she said.

Gold's eyes went wide and then they went nearly black. He clenched his jaw. "You kept her from me," he hissed.

"Yes," Belle snapped, "and I would do it again. You had _heroin_ in our _home_, Rodric. In our _wedding album_. I thought you were clean. You promised that you were clean. I was so excited to tell you, and then I found it. So yes. I kept her from you because I just wanted you to go away."

"How could you do that to me? Knowing what you know, how could you be so cruel?" Gold asked.

Belle threw up her hands and folded them in front of her. "Of course, you're the victim here. Why am I not surprised?" She fixed Rodric with a hard stare. "You chose the drugs over me every single time. You begged me to take you back over and over, and I did. I loved you so much, but the second I found out I was pregnant, it wasn't about me anymore. It was about her. I wasn't going to let you hurt her. I wasn't going to let you poison her. I did what I had to do to protect my daughter."

"_Our_ daughter."

"You haven't earned her," Belle said. "You didn't deserve her then."

There was a long silence. Jefferson had to admit that he felt kind of bad for Gold. He had no idea what would have happened to him if he had lost Grace. If Alice decided that he was too mad to be a father. It would have killed him. Jefferson looked to Belle for a long time, but then looked back at Gold once he spoke.

"How can I prove to you that I deserve her now?" Gold's eyes were onyx stones in his face, but his hands were full on shaking and there was a tremor in his voice.

Belle clenched her jaw and let her arms fall. She took a deep breath and blinked back tears. "Just—Be good to her. If you want to stick around and get to know her, you can. That's your right, but be good to her."

"What about you? How can I deserve you again?"

Belle glanced at Jefferson and then at Rodric again. "I don't know."

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**In case you missed it, there will be so much angst in this story AND a blast from the past in future chapters!**


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: So this kind of turned into some Rumple/Regina friendship fluff. I like them as buddies. Enjoy!**

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Chapter 3

"Who was that man?" Natalie asked as she looked up at Grace.

Grace shrugged. "I don't know," she lied.

"Mommy said he's a friend."

"Maybe she knew him from a long time ago," Grace said. She wasn't really worried about whether or not Gold was there to get back Belle or not. It wasn't like she was going to marry her father. Belle was too broken up over Gold still and her dad, well her dad was probably never going to remarry. That was his choice. Besides, she was more worried about Natalie running her big fat mouth to Henry about her crush on him.

"Hey, Grace. Hey, Nat." Henry's voice came from behind them and he jogged to catch up. At fifteen, he was definitely growing up to be a handsome boy. He leaned down to ruffle up Natalie's hair and grinned at Grace. "Where ya going?"

"To the park!" Natalie announced. "You wanna come?"

"Sure!" Henry said. "I love the park." He winked at Grace and moved so Natalie was in the middle. Natalie always laughed when they swung her. "Roland is already there with Mom and Robin."

Grace smiled and helped Henry swing Natalie into the air. "I'm so glad that Killian is around so I don't have to guess which mom you're talking about anymore."

"So are they," Henry laughed. "Emma said I made them sound like they were a couple."

"I think they'd be at each other's throats the whole time," Grace giggled.

"That's what Mom said too." Henry swung Natalie up in the air with Grace one more time and then glanced behind them. "I guess he's back in town," he said. No one else owned a Cadillac that looked like that.

"Rodric Gold? Yup," Grace said.

"Think he knows?"

"He knows about her." Grace motioned to Natalie. "I don't know if he knows about you," she added in a softer voice.

A few months after Rodric left, Henry went on this ridiculous quest to find his birth mother. At ten years old, it caused quite the stir in the community, but that had been way before Grace and Jefferson moved into town. Emma and Regina had a long standing rivalry that only recently died down. One of the many flare ups included the revelation that Henry's birth father was not only alive, but Mr. Gold's estranged son, Neal. Belle stayed as far away from Neal as possible when he came to see Henry so Gold wouldn't find out about Natalie, and after realizing that Emma wasn't in love with him anymore, he left Storybrooke with the promise of staying in touch with Henry. He made good. And then Emma found a new boyfriend after Jefferson and Grace moved into town and everything settled back into a routine.

"He probably knew about me before anyone else did," Henry said. "Mr. Gold knows everything. Plus he arranged the adoption."

Grace shook her head. "No wonder my dad loves it here. This place is absolutely bonkers."

"Roland!" Natalie jerked away from the older kids and ran straight to her best friend.

The boy's head popped up from where he was playing and he grinned. "Nat!"

Regina and Robin smiled fondly at each other as they sat on a nearby bench. Regina craned her head to see Henry and Grace following behind. "Henry," she said softly. "Babysitting again?"

Henry grinned and went over to his mom. Grace waved awkwardly. Regina was a lot kinder now, but she was still on just this side of intimidating in Grace's opinion.

"Grace is. I'm helping," Henry said. Mischief sparked in his eyes. "You're not going to believe who's back in town."

Regina's eyebrow arched. "Your father?" she immediately assumed.

"Close. Mr. Gold," Henry said.

Regina gasped quietly and looked at Natalie. "Really now?"

Robin looked at the children too and then back at Regina and Henry. "Mr. Gold? Belle's ex?"

"One and the same," Regina said. She and Gold had a strange mentor/mentee relationship with a healthy dose of rivalry thrown in. It shocked her when Belle finally had enough of his ways and kicked him out, but what shocked her even more was that he left and stayed away for so long. "Has he seen her?"

"Yes, ma'am," Grace spoke up. "He – didn't look happy."

"I imagine not," Regina mumbled. She stood up and kissed Henry's forehead. He was almost taller than her now. "Help Robin keep track of Roland," she told her son fondly.

Robin just chuckled from his seat and kissed Regina when she leaned down to kiss him. "I'll see you for dinner I hope," he said.

"You definitely will," Regina said tenderly. She smiled at Grace and went to the one place she thought Rodric would go.

After leaving Belle with that infernal Hatter man, Rodric went to his pawnshop. Only, it wasn't his anymore. Not really. He saw how neat and clean she kept it. How there were very few items sold, and the newer items were definitely things he would have been interested in. His heart clenched as stupid hope fluttered there. She had moved on. But he was going to earn his way back to her. He was going to be brave. He had to.

The bell chimed behind him and he turned around, eyes hopeful, but then it faded into disappointment mixed with surprise. "Madam Mayor," he said coolly.

Regina gave a small smile and shook her head. "Not anymore," she said. "I stepped down. It's Mary Margaret's kingdom now."

Rodric nodded and glanced around the shop so he wouldn't have to see how she was studying him.

"You look well," Regina finally said.

"You know what they say about looks, dearie," he said and sighed. "Guess word of my return traveled fast."

"Henry saw your car while he and Grace were taking Natalie to the park."

Gold flinched at the mention of his daughter's name and his jaw clenched slightly.

Regina took a few steps forward and let her hand rest on Gold's forearm. "How about we sit and catch up? You've been gone a long time." She led him back to the back room and made tea with the hot plate Belle kept there and soon they were sipping tea in a rather heavy silence. Regina spoke again. "Henry found his birth mother after you left."

Gold nodded and kept his eyes on Regina, waiting for the woman he used to know to pop out and berate him. She never did.

"I didn't even know you had a son," Regina continued.

"We became estranged long before I came here," Rodric explained. "My – addiction – has caused many problems for me over the years."

"So when I came to you for help, what was that? Some attempt to win him back?" Regina asked; her voice more confused than scathing.

Gold shook his head. "It was selfish, just like everything I've ever done. I wanted Henry here so I could see him. It had nothing to do with Neal or you. It was about me."

"I think that's the most honest you've been since I've known you," she said.

Gold sipped his tea and shrugged. "It's the most honest I've been with myself," he admitted. "But when Neal contacted me to tell me about finding Henry and Emma, he didn't mention Natalie. Why?"

Regina hesitated before letting out a sigh. "She didn't want him to know. He tried to see her so he could get some sort of explanation for what happened, but she wouldn't talk to him. She said she didn't want you to find out and try to get better for either of them. She said you needed to get better for your own sake. Natalie would have been a distraction."

"She really thought that?"

"Would she have been wrong?"

Gold clenched his jaw and then huffed. "No," he mumbled. He shook his head and smiled ruefully. "She knows me better than I know myself." Gold looked at Regina and finally appraised her. She didn't have the stubborn set of her jaw anymore, and her eyes weren't guarded. They were open. Soft even. He looked down at his cup of tea. "What about you, Regina? You seem happy."

Regina smiled brighter and leaned back in her seat. "I am," she said. "I've met someone, and he's been wonderful to me. He's got a son about Natalie's age. They're great friends."

"What's this miracle worker's name?" Gold asked; a hint of his old teasing in his voice.

Regina laughed softly. "Robin Locksley. His son's name is Roland. Henry loves playing big brother. He's so good with Roland and Nat. Would you believe Henry is taller than me now?"

Gold chuckled. "Must be thanks to Emma; Neal, regrettably, got his height from me."

Regina smiled warmly at Rodric and let her finger trace around the rim of her cup. "It's good to see you again, Rodric. Truly it is."

Gold's eyes fell to his cup again so she wouldn't see his vulnerability. "Nice to know someone is happy to see me, dearie," he whispered.

They spoke some more. Regina told him about her decision to step down as mayor after her attitude got the best of her while Rodric told her about his struggle to get clean, including his relapse after his ankle surgery. He had to admit it was nice to see Regina too. Despite their many differences and battles, she had been the closest he had to a friend in a long time. That was until Belle came into his life anyway. He always wondered if some of Regina's spitefulness towards Belle was because she felt cheated out of something. He put that thought away. There was never anything romantic between him and Regina. Besides, she seemed to have found her happy ending. One of them had to eventually.

"Why don't you come back to the park with me?" Regina asked. "I'm sure you and Henry would like to catch up."

Gold looked around the shop and let out a soft sigh. "I think – I'm going to stay here for a little while. But perhaps I can call on you later and see him."

Regina nodded and reached out to squeeze Rodric's hand softly. "It's good that you came back, Rodric," she said gently. "You belong here."

"Are you sure about that, dearie?"

Regina got a bit of that old snark back in her voice. "Listen, Gold, no matter what you may think, this place hasn't been the same without you. We might have found a new normal, but you're an important part of this town, and you deserve to be in your daughter's life. You deserve that chance."

"Belle didn't think so," Gold pointed out.

Regina shrugged. "You were an addict then. You're not now. If she didn't want you here, she would have told you to leave. Just – stick around. Remember your mantra. Give yourself a chance."

"When did you become the sage?" Gold asked, a bit of a smile tugging at his mouth.

Regina got up and smiled softly. "When I finally forgave myself," she said gently and turned to go. "My number is the same. Call if you need anything."

"Regina," Gold said.

"Yes?"

"Thank you."

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**Get ready for jealous Rumple next chapter! Teehee!**


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